P za parkiranje

27.August 2025.

Čao,

Dobro jutro, dobar dan, dobra večer, hoping this letter finds you well at whichever time of day you might read this. I last wrote about Velika Gospa. I said there would be thousands of people in our home village and there were thousands of people in our home village. According to myself, I was the parking pointer maestra. I stood at the end of teta’s (aunt) driveway and the cars started rolling by. Of course, this was a parking competition. Other neighbours had their hands out with the P for parking sign also visible. I tried my best to give a smooth and welcoming ‘come park here, mi casa su casa’ feel. I had to meet the competition and earn that money for my teta. I saw license plates from Zagreb county, Čakovec, Bjelovar, Krapina, Osijek, Rijeka, Varaždin, Zadar; Slovenia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, then Austria and Deutchland; which is often Croatians working outside of Croatia but are home on annual vacation. My favourite part, one guy slowed down smiling, signalled that he was preparing to turn and had chosen my smooth ‘come park here’ moves over the rest of the competitive field; so I of course change the hand gesture to ‘roll on in’, like I had this one in the bag. Instead he un-signalled, gave a little gas and drove away laughing..ah ha ha ha ha. That banana. I could not help but just laugh. When things slowed down a little in the parking world, I could not help but watch this one small cloud take shape among all blue sky. It changed from whole, to 2 to 3 to 4 separate little clouds in one small area with only blue sky everywhere else. It’s nice to have these moments in the day to take note of mother nature’s fine moments.

Friends who worked this weekend, although grateful for business, slept minimal hours, worked in the hot heat, & were just as thankful to have made it through the weekend. I said it is a monumental achievement to make it through this weekend and truly it is. Working hard is not enough of a match to describe how much they do. They achieve another sphere of working hard that leaves me without words. As my friend’s husband said, you just put your head down and do it, there is no other option. His mom who is 79 years old began this family business in 1974 with her husband. They have a food kiosk where they fry, then stew meat in their own juices, or maybe with wine and other spices. It is done in a kotlovina and traditional of Northwest Croatia. My uncle used to do this for us at family gatherings. And back to teta Barica who is 79 years old, she stands on her feet cooking for 14 hours more or less. She even drives a tractor from her village to another 10 kilometres away, takes care of the land at home among other things. I remember she told me she gets up at 6 a.m. and does not go to sleep till 11 p.m., something like this. She is extra ordinary and has been working like this for all these years. This stamina of work still continues in the family and I can say with certainty and all my heart that they are the hardest workers I know, but there are many like them in this region as well.

After the parking extravaganza, I had volunteered for the church, but I really want to tell you about the klapa group that sung during the mass. Klapa is singing acapella. Its roots are from the coastal region of Croatia, and is a very traditional way of singing here. It is UNESCO protected which speaks very much to how special and unique it really is. There was an all male klapa choir which is very traditional of the Dalmatian coast. They were singing at the 6 pm. evening mass and for me it is one of the more beautiful sounds of life, music that does not leave any space of your soul untouched. Deep down inside, I feel everyone felt the magic of this klapa group. I tell you from the bottom of my heart, it is one of the more beautiful sounds a person can experience in their life especially beside the sublime Croatian landscape.

Unfortunately with a large event like this comes the moments where opportunists will take advantage of the already overwhelmed kiosks, vendors and such. I guess here the Roma also known as cigani (offensive way to address gypsies) will come and make their attempts to help themselves or simply play the part and ask for money. My neighbour who is a vendor finds it very stressful. She had said to me that she could see the day or two before Velika Gospa, the Roma had arrived and they were scanning the terrain. People have combinations of how they go about filling their pockets and I guess the police were already called to one of the main grocery stores. Their plots are very creative especially if there is more than a few at the same time, and really that is how they do it, distraction. Over the years, at the main bus station in Zagreb I keep encountering the same lady. She asks me for money, but to the point she comes up to the cashier window when I am buying a bus ticket or while I am on the phone. I say no, she moves on or is just frustrated & one time she even jammed shoulders with me in frustration. I remember years ago we were in Importanne Center in Zagreb. A lady was sitting on the floor below the steps behind her toddler with a hat out front to collect change. The toddler was crying. A Croatian passerby got so upset and said, did you pinch your child to make them cry. Who knows, but many children are born into this way of life. I went to the market one day in Zagreb and 3 or 4 kids who were siblings were asking for money with the very convincing and heart pulling emotion in their eyes of please, do you have any money. They are between 3 and 10, the mother is not visible but she does make an appearance here and there. She is in the vicinity. You would think they are abandoned but this is not the case. Roma are of course all over Europe and we were especially warned of this on the Metro in Rome. Our tour guide warned us saying a least someone each time has something missing. Regardless of being Roma or not, scheming people is a way of life and a profession for people. When I arrived to Trieste the day after Velika Gospa, I noticed the same man in the train station asking me for money. I watched him walk around. He wears his back pack, walks with urgency, like he is going to be late for the train asking for 1 euro. It is fascinating to watch. Of course there are people that really are down on their luck and you just never know, so I try to follow my gut feeling; sometimes I give them money, but I really do not always know. I wish I could see a playback camera of life where I found out the percentage of how many times my compass was right and how many times it was wrong. This is a way of living and I wonder sometimes if they have more money in their bank account than I do. I sometimes think that people that do this as a way of life would be good in the acting business because they continuously get a no response or none at all, then rebound immediately like a professional carrying on with their part. I bet there are many that could be Oscar winners and Grammy award winners as many Roma people are amazing musicians.

While traveling to Trieste through Slovenia after the big day, I looked out of the bus window into the green paradise, daydreaming away and fell into nature’s painting. Those 2 lone tree’s side by side, one with a picnic table in the middle of a flat plain of agricultural land; were those trees saved and the rest cut down for agriculture, or were they planted with intention to be a rest haven for those working on the land? Further along were trees in a straight row, trees together as a family, creeks, mountain ridges, gentle rolling hills, a picture perfect painting that is so easy on the eyes. I don’t have the skill of a painter but I try with words.

Arriving to Trieste; well remember I warned of carrying Kleenex around, I am adamant that you should. Also, please go across the street to the train station and pay the euro for the maintained bathrooms at the train station. The ones in the bus station you pay only to find how terrible they really are. I remember this Croatian lady swore once she paid and realized this, I cannot tell you what she said because this a PG-13 website but I did tell my mom and that laughter added a few days to our lives. Trieste is not alone in this because I have encountered a public bathroom at a train station in Croatia with no doors on the hinges. I mean, uff…. Trieste was a short visit and I do have more stories of Trieste in the nostalgic realm for later, but it was hot and sitting at a cafe having my favourite drink Chinotto on the rocks was very enjoyable. If I could build my own stock portfolio, Chinotto & watermelon would be in it. While sitting and relaxing you see that Italians do fashion very well even the cycling outfits are very va va va voom.

From Trieste was a passenger ferry to Mali Lošinj in Croatia. On this ride I listened to people speak Italian, you know I could listen to this language all day long. Mali Lošinj or Lussinpiccolo in Italian is a relaxing and enjoyable island with beautiful, turquoise and clear water. I was here as a little girl with family. I remembered the meduza (jellyfish) influx at one period in the vacation, the not so nice kind. I cannot tell you what type it was, but my tata (father) got stung twice, the second time I was with him and swam so fast back to the beach. It caused him a lot of pain and burned, and left him with scars. I remember he was just trying to find some relief to the extreme discomfort. There were not any around this time thank God, at least not the harmful kind. Another thing about Mali Lošinj that makes me still laugh to this day is the pop a wheelie. Do you remember what it means to do a pop a wheelie? Riding your bike and lifting your front tire up off the ground and riding on the rear wheel only. There was this kid that would do that but launch off the dock into the water, drag his bike out and press repeat. I also have an amazing story in that I was 10 years old and spotted a little girl wearing a t shirt with our home town name in Canada. I pointed and said, mama, tata…….. They looked with amazement. This was in the period of Yugoslavia, but how could someone be wearing a t shirt from a small northwest coast city in Croatia, all across the world. Well my parents found out and to our surprise it was our family friends that sent them those t shirts from Canada. There was maybe 20 Croatian families in our home town and voila! What are the chances. And what do you do with this connection? Well, you sit down at a cafe and enjoy each others company.

Sitting on the rocks watching the sea, then swimming, and repeat, was just the right place and time for me; and I thought about nothing. I just looked at what was right in front of me. Do you know those birds that float like a duck and their bodies are half submerged as they float? I think it is called a grebe or in Croatian gnjurac. It is kind of funny to watch them, especially when they fly. First they turbo it looking like a sea plane ready for take off flapping low to the water, then they take off but at a cruising altitude of 10 cm above sea level. They also surface suddenly with a catch or dive down and about to get their catch. I laughed at this one young guy snorkelling who got spooked by the gnjurac and went swimming back so fast to the rocks. I brought my goggles for swimming and recreation, and the moments I dove under, I was mesmerized. The contrast of the shallow sea floor to the deeper depths, that perfect line dividing light blue & a rich blue shade, I was in paradise. Paradise because hundreds of little fish shimmered like a sequin dress & paradise because sun beams in the sea added another level of beauty that was ethereal. Add the warmth of the rocks after a swim and the Adriatic breeze, all I could be inside was thankful to be alive. If I had to choose between space vs the Adriatic Sea, I will take the Adriatic Sea for 1 million Alex.

Mali Lošinj has a ship building history like Rijeka or Trieste and has ties to Italy as it was part of Italy in the past. Many people speak Italian here and for Italians, they can easily come and enjoy their summers. I do not know all of history, but it is interesting how the Romans built everything close and like a maze, how the homes are connected together, filled with stone pathways in between; each neighbour in close proximity. Is it because of the Bora which is a strong north easterly wind, meaning does this break the wind? I don’t know, but it is charming and beautiful and even if you think things are small and easy to find, well…. I circled these paths one night always choosing the wrong way to get to my accommodation. I was sober. If people are drunk, I wonder if they just give up and fall asleep at someone’s doorstep. I am sure there have been some amusing tales over the years. I did ask directions to a family friends home, and it is amusing because the man that popped out front of his house asked for the names of the people, then the neighbour above popped his head out the window and said ‘who, ah they are right there,’ then the family friends I was looking for overheard & opened their gate and said ‘Marijana’ with extended arms.

While in Mali Lošinj, musicians were playing music from the balconies of homes. It was an organized event down on the Riva, the main cobblestone waterfront walkway. It was beautiful and perfectly spaced out. Music truly is everywhere in Croatia, almost every place you will find talent, heart and soul. The cafes and restaurants full, people leisurely walking. My favourite was seeing a group of about 6 young girls catch the attention of 3 young guys who immediately did a 180 degree turn. One guy caught a sound bite from the girls walking by and right away said ‘bist du deutscher’ (are you German), and boom they had a connection and the party of 6 girls had some new company. I loved seeing this because I like to think that a love story or two may have started right then and there in front of my eyes or that summer crush you will always remember for the rest of your life.

On the last night in Mali Lošinj, lightening lit up the night sky. It was a little ways out but lightening every 10 to 20 seconds. This happened till the next morning. It was so interesting to see the electricity happen behind the clouds and when it lit up the sky, you could see the outline of the clouds. You might of thought there was a rock concert somewhere out there, but no. Again one of Mother Natures finest gifts. It just added to the ambience down on the Riva (the main walkway in Mali Lošinj) with music, vibrance from the cafe’s, restaurants, and evening lights that reflected on a calm sea.

Leaving Mali Lošinj the rain finally came. What fortune, I beat the rain. I followed that raindrop that navigated its way down the window like a plinko chip as the catamaran moved island to island and then to Rijeka. Fishing boats were out early getting their catch. I was still in the mindset of not thinking about too much and being relaxed as the catamaran smoothly moved through the sea. In years past I spent a lot of time connecting buses in Rijeka especially when I lived in Italy. Thank God for a new express highway, but I used to come from Trieste and go onto Zagreb or to the central coast and it took a long time. I have this story where one guy got on the bus talking to his buddies like he was saying good bye to them. All of a sudden I feel some movement where my feet are and this guy scrunched his body under the seats, his buddies who were sitting side by side covered him up with bags so that he did not have to pay. Once the other driver who took the tickets passed, he popped out and sat on the floor in front of his friend’s seats. Lud čovjek, crazy man.

Well, this was long, so much I have said, maybe some rambling, but if you are around someone that does this today, just hang on that extra 5 minutes and listen, because just maybe that someone will value your listening ears and you could learn something new; if not that, then you gained some patience, a good virtue. Take special care and ‘adio’ for now.

Marijana

P.S. I am not done. I was going to save this for next time, but while on the train today I got a kick out of a passenger saying that he once tried water, but it had no taste. I guess Rakjia and Pelinkovac are better options. Mamma mia. Croatian people have a great sense of humour.

Extraordinary Flagman

5. September 2025.

Zdravo to you on a sunny September day. I hope you are taking the time to wrap up as much summer into your arms. The lighting has changed, the days have shortened but are still warm and very desirable. That Mediterranean climate has also left me looking ‘honey bronzed and very very desirable’. This is a joke of course. I only bring this up because the word desirable always makes me remember the days I worked in a sports store. I remember there being a product we sold, it may have been suntan lotion, and with the promise of ‘leaving you honey bronzed and very very desirable.’ This line never gets old for me and still makes me smile. And my God, is suntan lotion even a thing anymore? Ajme.

Remember last time I spoke about the Roma. Well, just like that I bought in. I was at the bus station in Zagreb and to get into the public bathrooms you have to pay 40 euro cents. You put that money in and the gates will open for you. I see this girl, she is frustrated playing the very convincing I need to use the bathroom but I do not have the change to get in. She is fumbling with her money, asks me for 20 euro cents which was not too much and at first I said no. I was about to pay for my entrance, & then I thought, ah forget it, I will just give her 20 euro cents. As I give her the 20 euro cents, her eyes give away this suspicious look, like hey that worked, & right away I get this funny, suspicious feeling. You know what, she never even came into the bathroom, she took off. Ljudi (people), just follow your first feeling, I am telling you. As I leave, this other girl came through the gates scanning me. I think the two girls were working together and the next one was coming to crack a shot at me. I wonder what kind of trick she had up her sleeve. Anyways, too bad for them, I left with one more piece of information on how they go about their business. Too bad for me, that I didn’t just end it on the first no.

I am still holding onto my time on the Adriatic coast. The smell of the pine forests, those afternoon siesta’s, the refreshing swims, the warmth of the rock, the warmth of the sea, buoyancy, gentle rolling morning waves and the sound that moves hand in hand with it; this is the place to feel like new again. The sea life along the Adriatic Sea is vibrant. I have this amazing story from a few years back. We were on the island of Rab and I lent my brother my goggles. He was swimming, head down, just as he was doing that, hundreds of small fish jumped out of the water, arching and falling like a thousand raindrops back into the sea. It happened close to shore and it happened so fast. I yelled to my brother because it was so incredible, but it was a moment that came and went in seconds and that was that. Moments later dolphins showed up, and aha, this is why the little fish were on the move. It was like the little fish were the opening act and the dolphins were headlining the show. I cannot say which was better, but it was thrilling.

I also want to share a little from last time. Even though I am so appreciative of the newer autoceste (autobahn), if I had to drive my own car to the coast for vacation, I would take my time and choose the old village roads. Buses will sometimes go off the main roads to get people or drop them off from their villages, but it is always a pleasure to see a new village. The roads of the past were built so narrow and not only this, but through some villages the homes are tight to the road. Meaning if you stepped out, you might get a cartoon animated flat foot especially with a bus coming through. Jao! There really is not much room for error in your driving but those old homes are still standing there after all these years so even though I said there are those that drive very fast in Croatia, they are also very skilled too. There is only one person ever that I know that was a little heavy on the brakes and when they went over the ležeći policajci, I am surprised my head did not pop through the roof of their car and leave them with a new sunroof. I remember they even said to me, I got you on that one, didn’t I? I was saying ‘oh Bože’ (oh God), and they, ‘opa’!

In the last week of my time in Croatia (for the moment), I spent time with the people I know and love. My mom, god bless her made all these beautiful meals for us all as a family to enjoy. As well, my cousin’s partner, whenever I came to the city or after school always made me such beautiful meals as well, & neighbours dropping off desserts they made or food they had made or harvested. I spent time with friends, the people I volunteered with, their love and kindness is everyday in their actions. So many Croatian people I know don’t just say they will do something, they truly pour it into their actions & presto there is the love right in front of you. Other things I marked my week with; I visited the Neanderthal Museum in Krapina as my uncle said of my pra pra pra pra pra pra pra djed (meaning great grandfather & I know there is probably not enough greats to reach that period of time). I went to Varaždin, a beautiful city that in past history was the capital of Croatia. I went to Zagreb and sat at the cafes with friends to fit like a Zagrepčani (a resident of Zagreb). I sometimes forget that just a little before noon in Zagreb there is a cannon that fires. I am talking about a real cannon that will, if you are not prepared like many people at the cafe were, who during that blast, fumbled with their cups, cutlery, plates…. All I heard was clang, clang, clang, sounds all over, some gasps, some little screams, and people holding their hearts for dear life. The Grič Cannon is a tradition in Zagreb and has fired since January 1, 1877. That is almost 150 years. Since then it fires everyday just before noon. For one of my classmates from the Ukraine, you can only imagine how that might have been for her while we were sitting there, but for the locals, they know to cover their ears. Then back to food, I ate all the things I loved in the last week too. As my mom said about the lubenica (watermelon) I bought one day, ‘this lubenica is crazy good.’ It was fun to hear that in her Croatian accent. I also made sure to have a refreshing soft drink I love there called Cockta which is made in Slovenia and from rosehip, orange, lemon and other herbs; and I could not spend the last day there without going to the bakery and getting krafne (donuts), one filled with apricot jam and the other with Lino Lada (like Nutella). It was crazy good!

One of the things that happened in my final week, well actually it happens many weekends during spring and summer in the village is someone is getting married. My mom and I saw 3 weddings across the street on one night. I love, love, love Croatian weddings. They are so beautiful and celebratory. There is usually a long train of cars honking on the way to the church with Croatian flags waving out of them. Not little flags, I am talking about the size that hang off of flag posts. Then they all park close to the church, all the invitees plus the bride and groom get out and walk up the street to the church in a parade with a 3 piece band or more playing festive music; and sometimes someone fires blanks into the air Mexican bandito style, pow pow pow. There is usually the tamburica’s and accordion, and once they get in front of the church they play another song or two, everyone sings together. There are the flag wavers who are guests of the wedding. I can tell you, I never thought I could find someone so attractive waving a flag. This guy was in his suit, his flag moves were perfect, 15/10 rating, he stepped into it, stepped back, did a nice circle, utilized the space, grazie mille flag waving wedding guest. I think he should be waving that flag at next year’s FIFA World Cup, please Hrvatska (Croatia) hire him, I can be a reference for him because I snapped a little video. My mom, she did the play by play commentary while watching everything unfold through the same window my baka (grandma) would sit by when she could no longer attend mass. Her comments were, ‘oh this wedding couple is a little older’, ‘wow there are lots of people’, ‘Croatians sure know how to dress up so well’, ‘oh this bride is really short’, ‘oh look they are dancing outside the church’, ‘they have umbrellas’……. By the way, everyone really dresses up so beautifully. Move over Venice Film festival, let a Croatian wedding be your challenger. After a couple of songs, into the church, then officially married, then outside the church again to sing and dance with joy. Finally, the reception with food and dance all night long. We live in the centre so we often hear those receptions last the night, it is so nice. I cannot say enough how celebratory they are, and in less than two years I am invited to one. I cannot tell you enough how excited I am for this.

Flying out of Zagreb, I watched the plane’s shadow on the ground move through agricultural land, through villages, over rooftops, through the forest, and all I wanted to do was run after that shadow on the ground. Wait for me, please….wait. The plane turned and I could see Zagreb in perfect view; the river Sava, the Medvednica mountain range, my school, bike route, my cousin’s place, old Zagreb, new Zagreb and I was even looking for my families home village, but I lost sight of it as the plane went higher. The plane reached the clouds, my heart heavy and the tears were welling, but nothing like a great kick of turbulence to change a heavy heart to light on it’s feet running so fast it wants to jump out of your chest. I felt like that moment was my late father looking after me to snap me out of feeling blue.

At the beginning of the school year our teacher asked us where is home for us, then followed it with home is where your heart is. I do keep thinking of that painting by Ivan Generalić of the man carrying time on his back, I hope I am holding it with respect because now in the middle of my life, time matters more than timing matters. I was very fortunate to get this time away from my job, I know, but I could have stayed longer and stayed for good. My relatives, family friends, neighbours, I wish they could always be there. Being in Croatia and Italy retaught me to open my eyes again, not just to James Deans best Hollywood photo or Valentino’s Summer 2025 collection and lets add to the list FIFA’s future Hrvatska flagman; I feel like I have a new path of promise ahead. New idea’s, new dreams to achieve, I hope they come true.

My friend Martina asked me what I might have missed about Canada and there are many beautiful things here, people and things that I am grateful for and that are important, but on a lighter note, I never realized how much of a great mattress I have! I am not complaining, but our home in Croatia is small and slept on one of those military cots once my family arrived to Croatia in the spring. It is okay of course. When I went to Rome, my mom and I stayed in a basic but perfectly fine hotel, and guess what, they had the best mattress, pillows and bed sheets I had ever experienced. You know what, when I returned home I realized I have that mattress, sheets and almost pillows. I was so proud of myself! I forgot that I made a great choice in product selection. I left my clothes in the ormar for next time, maybe I will check in my mattress next visit. Can you imagine someone pulling that off? Can I please check in my queen sized mattress, no other bags, thank you. Even though I am joking around, there is more to say and share about what it means to grow up as first generation Croatian Canadian and all the stories that go along with that, the things I will miss for now, the things I hope to do next time and my journey and hope to one day call Hrvatska home.

Let’s end with some gossip on Jame’s Dean’s best Hollywood photo. You know, he has moved onto another church and I was told that he wanted to stay because his family is only a half hour away. So long _______! I cannot share his name with you, but I can say it rhymes with to-mah-to, not to-may-to, but tomato (to-mah-to). He truly did have a light around him.

Marijana

p.s. I may be going back for corrections on this one. This time change, mamma mia, I took 2 days to write this.

Budi dobro (be well)

September 16. 2025.

‘Slušaj svoju intuiciju. Usmjerit će te prema tvojim snovima.’ ‘Listen to your intuition. It will guide you to your dreams;’ a quote I keep staring at on the Jana bottle I carried home with me from Hrvatska. ‘When I was young and beautiful,’ a Croatian family friend’s famous line that still makes me smile to this day; I hope you are in heaven stric Rudi sharing a glass of wine with my otac (father) and so many other Croatian Canadian immigrants we celebrated with. Anyways, what I want to say is when I was younger, I saw an opportunity, eyes wide open, and went; and you know nothing terrible ever really happened. Yes there were some challenges, challenges meant to help me learn and shape me, but with strong Croatian principles or foundation, I just kept going. Where there’s a will, there is a way. But somehow as time goes on, I consider my decisions a little more for various reasons and this can truly be ‘the Game of Thrones’ of the mind. I have never seen this film, but I am imagining.

I was not ready to return from Hrvatska. Believe me, I tried to stay a little longer, but it was not possible due to work obligations. My heart is sad to leave that life for the time being. This is not really a criticism of being here, but all of a sudden, where are those church bells I heard so often, those bright bird serenades, the people at the cafe, at church, on the street talking with life. All of a sudden it feels so quiet to me. Remember I said that those sounds are like a warm blanket for me, and they are, more than you can imagine. Since I have come back there have been many times I lay down, staring at the ceiling, a ping pong match in my head of what my life could look like. Then a pause in the game, I escape into Croatian and Italian music. One moment I am listening to upbeat and lighthearted Croatian music, then Italian music with passion. I keep thinking Marco Mengoni wrote all these songs for me, however as my friend Arianna pointed out, ‘mi dispiace (I am sorry) Marian, all those songs belong to Giovanni.’ Well….I could be a Giovanna if he changes his mind.

And back to music. Music is the golden halo of life. I still say it saves lives. I can tell you with all the honesty in my heart that it was a very rare day that music was not playing in my household growing up. My father had a couple of suitcases plus a drawer unit and shelving unit for tape cassettes. So many favourites, but mine were always the Split 84,85,86,87 etc.. music festivals where a compilation of artists were recorded, some of them doing duets. This was in the time of Yugoslavia, where so many Croatian musicians like Oliver Dragojević, Mišo Kovać, Jasna Zlokić, Magazin, Alen Slavica, Meri Ćetinić, Milo Hrnić; were part of our daily lives, and their music remains timeless to this day. Croatian’s still celebrate these musicians and show such gratitude towards them. They welcome the new, but respect the old. A few short weeks ago before I left Croatia, my mother and I were on the train to Varaždin and you know what, these passengers just started singing acapella. At home, and just below our family home in Croatia, you will sometimes hear people singing acapella after a good meal at the restaurant. Growing up at family gatherings, an accordion came out and everyone was singing from the heart. Yes of course there was a little assistance from vino, pivo or rakija to take happy and multiply it by 2 or 3, but not for everyone. People sang those songs with all the meaning in their heart, like they wrote the songs themselves, and what a way to let go at least for a moment; your sorrows, your fears, your frustrations, your longing, but also to celebrate something. Again, music is the halo of life. I still laugh because in our family home in Canada, there would be one stereo on in the kitchen where my dad was listening to music, then in my brother’s room next to me he would be listening, and then me. You know what, there was not a lot of times that our parents said turn it down because I think we were all escaping into our own worlds with whatever we were listening to. I remember one time I took the remote control of my stereo system singing into it as a microphone with all my heart; I mean with all my heart, and of course for those thousands of viewers that I knew were watching me from my 4 bedroom walls. One day I truly had an audience member, moja tata. He had cracked open my bedroom door a little just to tell me there was a phone call for me, but he paused to watch my Grammy winning performance without me realizing; and then when I did finally see him I just yelled ‘Dad!’ and slammed the door on him with embarrassment. I could hear him walking away laughing.

I do want to tell you another place music is played, at funerals. First I will tell you, when someone passes away in the village, or other neighbourhoods, you will see notices put up. It is usually on a standard piece of white paper that has a wide black border, with the person’s picture, name and other details printed in black ink. It is posted on the village bulletin board, at the bus shelters, on lamp posts, somewhere in the village to let everyone know. It is not overly posted, but a few spots that would be the main areas people may pass through; and of course in our small area, the word travels to others very quickly. From my personal experience and where my family is from, people really stop to read who passed away and people really go out of their way to attend the funeral and pay their respects. You witness the community really supporting those they left behind. While living there this year, a tragedy occurred where a mother and young daughter lost their lives in an automobile accident. I am telling you, I have never seen so many people mid day, dressed in black, walking to the graveyard to support the spouse who lost everything. It was quite remarkable to see just how many people walked through the village, young and old. At funerals, the musical instruments shift to a basic trumpet. Instead of the tantara sound; that lively sound that a trumpet can make, what is played is the opposite of course; the sombre reign of the trumpet. I read it is called the wah wah effect and is meant to mimic the sound of crying more or less. When you hear that sound at a funeral, that melody in the air, how does a person stay composed, I don’t think they can. It is like that little tap on the heart that says, you need to face your sorrow. Just one mighty golden instrument can make a whole community face the pain together. The church of course has a different sound combination of bells to signify a death or deaths. That tragedy, and day of the funeral, there was a beautiful angelic singer who sang till midnight in the church sometime later after the service. She began sometime in the evening and sang for a long duration. Her voice was on the loud speaker and carried throughout the village. This was something extra that does not always happen but powerful and gentle all at the same time. Another thing I really noticed living in Hrvatska this year is how hard the priests work to serve the community. My mom and I really noticed this. As my mom said, these priests do not have an easy job, however you can see they take pride in what they do. For me it seems that they have a good respect for their work and the community, so it is really nice to see when they are out at the cafe relaxing because it is well deserved. They really help people who are suffering.

So from music, let’s move to sports. I love sports so much. Not only has it been a special part of my life, but important. Tennis has always been a recreational sport for me, something I wanted to play more, but it’s finding someone that has that common interest to rally with. Anyways there are two clay courts side by side in the village my family is from. It is on the way to my uncle and aunts home. I keep passing it all these years wanting to play, then finally I got a connection because these courts are closed and I needed to be let in. The connection I got was to be part of tennis lessons and that was fine by me because I never really got any special skill training in tennis. I arrive one day and my new friend with the tennis connection introduces me to the instructor who asked me to rally. He has a look, sees I can play, but developed bad habits, however nothing we could not work on. First of all, let me tell you about this instructor. Take a moment to guess his age. Really, go ahead. Well he is 90 years old. 90! I know you are thinking, 90, but yes 90 years old, časna rijeć (word of honour). And you know what, he looked in top form, he looked like a fit athlete. His reaction time and precision feeding us those tennis balls was excellent. His spirit was positive. Unbelievable. Prva liga (first class). I know our health is never guaranteed, however it is really nice to see when someone looks after themselves in a lifetime, that somehow still exists the reward of you use it and you don’t lose it. Well Gospodine Ivan, he was excellent, a seasoned coach & I just cannot say enough. I am only sorry I could not attend more because there were days I was helping family on the land, as well I went to the coast. I want to get back to his tennis lessons because he did in fact help me correct some bad habits. He kept repeating, ‘Marijana, gore do ramena, gore do ramena!’ (Marijana, up to the shoulder). I needed to follow through up to the shoulder. And Marijana, ‘spustiti reket’ (lower the racquet), ‘trebaš biti spremna’ (you have to be ready), and also when having a pause, hold the racket in the other hand to give your dominant hand a rest. Do you know who my opponents were? Teenage kids who had been learning with Gospodine Ivan and his son over the years. These kids were great, kicked my butt, and watching their fine form was helpful.

At the tennis court are a number of busted racquets hanging off the fence. I laughed right away because I knew that was a tennis game or two or how about 20 gone wrong; and so a little balkan temper came out, then voila, a presentation of racquets on the fence. For a small country, there are a number of excellent and world class athletes. This is something to speak about for the future, but imagine when you are trying so hard, giving all your effort and it’s just not working out, of course it is frustrating. I always say how hardworking Croatian people can be so when you put so much into wanting to do well, I think it is natural to smash a racquet a least once in your life. Of course they are always gracious to their opponents, just sometimes maybe not the racquet. I used to play tennis recreationally with my Portuguese neighbour Jeorge growing up in Canada. Well Jeorge, he had tennis smarts and knew exactly where to hit that ball to make me run. I, thinking I was running around doing more of the work deserved to win. No no, no no, Marijana, it does not work that way I realized as I matured. When I kept losing, I even went as low as to say I had lived on the street for longer than Jeorge, meaning to say that I have more seniority somehow. A little competitive back then, maybe? I saw Jeorge last Christmas and we laughed about this. Still some of the funnest times of my life, but my balkan rooted temperament showed! But as you get older, the better moto is ‘stati na loptu’ (literal translation is to stand on the ball but meaning to take a moment, pause, think a little). However I still cannot blame the athlete that needs to smash a racquet at some point in their career.

I am not wanting to leave this letter as advocating racquet smashing, but I want to say as summer comes to an end and fall marks its first day on the calendar, I hope you can find that nice spot somewhere to take in the gentle afternoon sun whether it’s near the Pacific Ocean, Zagorje, Jadransko More, Friuli-Venezia Guilia, wherever you are in this world, and may that warmth carry you through the fall and winter season; in heart and soul. And also, may you be inspired to learn something new; there is always a candle to light your way during the shorter days ahead. Budi dobro.

Od srca (from the heart);

Marijana

Addio, my love!

October 1. 2025.

Živjeli svima iz Tihog Oceana (cheers from the Pacific Ocean). There have been balmy fall days to start the season, days to look out at the ocean, to think and think again. Last week I bought this sparkling drink with grapefruit and hibiscus flavouring that said ‘calm’ on the can. Not the company name, but it advertises ‘the best blend of organic teas, healing adaptogens and fruit extracts, a beverage for the mind & body, made with botanicals that can ease different forms of stress; & if I am looking to be enlightened and refreshed, try something that truly sparkles.’ That’s some pretty good advertising. Did it reduce my stress? No, but the pigeons did. I’d like to think they followed me from Zagreb to keep me company, to lift my spirits. Golubovi su moji prijatelji za danas (the pigeons are my friends for today). And you know what sparkled? The Pacific Ocean. But what are adaptogens that promise to heal, will they bring back my heart that I left in Croatia? Strike 3. However, thank you for the bevanda (beverage). I am enjoying it by the ocean & živjeli (cheers) to nature that always saves the day.

Last week I went back to back days to be beside the ocean, the second day walking the coastline. The beginning of fall was not letting go of summer. Speaking of letting go, when I walked the coast line, a route I have done more than a few times before, I walked into a new development. A nude beach. Well what do we have here, when did this happen? All I could think was ‘Marijana, samo ravno (just straight), 12 o’clock, hajdemo (let’s go), move, get to the grocery store fast. I think I set a new course record for walking that section of the beach. I know, I know, we were born naked, yes and true, but then we grew into clothes. I am fulfilling the promise to myself to learn Italian and so when my friend Arianna sent me some questions like ‘cosa hai fatto ieri? (What did I do yesterday?). Of course I had to tell her what I walked into. Her response made me laugh, what kind of beach is this; in Italy you cannot just go to the beach & suddenly take your clothes off.

A person can really sit by the ocean and just look out. There is always something to see, something to imagine, something to live for. My father worked out on the ocean when he came to Canada. It was his own little side business working with logs. I really see the lure & the allure of being out on the ocean, away from the noise. Also, nature has good lessons to teach. Moj otac (my father), he knew how to tap into all the good parts of life. We had some nice times on that boat. He also worked at the port and years ago, some ships would come in from the homeland. My parents sometimes had some of the crew over for a home cooked meal because many of these men were away at sea for a long time leaving their wives and children. Actually on the island of Mali Lošinj is a bronze sculptor of a woman wearing a dress waving a handkerchief towards the Adriatic Sea. It is really unique and caught my eye. The sculptor represents the wife of a sailor. Many sailors lost their lives at sea, but this sculpture of Marija Stuparić whose husband Aldebrand Petrina was more often at sea than at home. They were married for 32 years, but spent 13 short months together as a family in one spot. So many of these men sacrifice for their family & themselves, but the women also carry a great load. Back to the special guests in our home, I think it was so nice for my parents to provide them this time, outside of the ship, on land, away from closed cabin quarters. There was a time our family was invited on one of those container ships and so my brother and I with our parents went for a visit. I remember the men smoking Marlboro cigarettes and were so happy to see us, jubilant for some guests. It was a new and fun experience for us.

There is another story. On a visit where a few of the crew came over to our home for dinner, my dad, generously topping off the vino, had one crew mate leaving with a sore nose and head. My father went out to the backyard and moments later, I think it was the ship engineer that followed. The thing was my mom cleans things well, like many Croatian people, and he walked right into the glass patio door that my dad had closed, then said sorry to it. My brother and I, young kids, in the family room where this patio door was just laughed quietly, but poor man. Glass so clean you can almost walk through it. I also want to say that people who work out on the ocean or sea have a strength that is great, not only to be away from loved ones for so long, or living with a crew mate that may never be your best friend or cabin fever; however just imagine, when a storm comes in, your situation can change fast, to be at the mercy of Mother Nature, that is something you can only control so much. What a test of will, tactics, respect for nature, and being tough as nails. It would be like an algebraic formula, solving unknowns & figuring out relationships. I love the sea and ocean, but at the same time it scares me too. I remember playing in the Adriatic Sea as child, around 9, and a wave came, carried my body and bam against a rock wall, enough to surprise me. I learned something about Mother Nature that day, do not be fooled by its ability.

I know I speak so much of my love for Croatia, but you might wonder is there anything that I might not like or something that is different from the way we see or do things here in Canada or vice versa. There are many more things I like than not, but these are some things that are really not a secret in Croatia. Here we go. Broj 1 (number 1). Driving and texting is much more prevalent in Croatia. How many times I saw this as a pedestrian, on my bike, on the bus, too much. Drugi broj 1 (the other number 1). Brzina, speed. People really risk take in this area, not just cars, but the romobilia & ATV’s. Let’s talk about the romobilia first, specifically electrični romobilii or e-scooteri (electric scooters). People ride these things like a bat out of hell. I said this about speeding cars, but now let’s take this to the sidewalk. You are only supposed to ride these to 25 km/hr max, but it’s like those numbers are reversed or more actually. Yes, there are good things about them like they are good for the environment and you cannot blame people to use them because parking is difficult in the city. Also they are easy to park, traffic is slow moving during peak times; that’s one of the big reasons I rode a bicycle from the outskirts of the city to the centre of Zagreb, it is efficient. However, many people move around these like there is no law. I read that as recently as September 1st news in Croatia, almost 700 people were fined in Zagreb riding these things over a week. Zašto, why? Mostly because they do not wear a helmet which scares me like you would not believe; ljudi (people), you cannot ice the brain. Your coconut is worth more than all the diamonds in the world. Next was traffic violations. I am not surprised. When I finished my bike ride from the university and waited for the bus to the selo (village), there is one intersection outside the city where driver’s, pedestrians, romobilia’s, so many want to squeeze through on a red or green, whatever, they make up the rules, it lights up, the risk takers crack their shot at living. Some of these kids are doubling other kids and flying. I see why there is a movement for greater age limits on these; because kids do not always have the concept that speed can end your life. Right now, it is from age 14. We were all young once and it would be so much fun to fly like the wind, but not like a torpedo with a VIP pass to the hospital.

Beside this are the quads (ATV’s). Same thing, no helmets, people young and old speeding down the road on these, sometimes with a kid or two holding on, again no helmets. It is part of the culture. People love their transportation here, fast cars, tractors, motorcycles and more. Little kids even get gifted mini ATV’s. I know a 5 year old who flies on one under his father’s supervision for the most part, but everyone’s comfort level of speed is different and some are comfortable with teaching their kids to go fast, faster and fastest from a young age. I just remember one day this man taking his girls for a ride on the quad, no helmets, speeding on this gravel and making some sharp turns, I mean I couldn’t look; but it is a normalized part of the culture. They are moving on increasing penalties and enforcing them too, but speaking to my neighbour in Croatia, more often than not young people die in Croatia because of speed.

Broj dva (number 2). Smoking a big part of the culture, it has been for decades. My classmates from other parts of the world, all commented with surprise, that in comparison to their countries, Croatia has a big smoking culture. We talked about this one day in class and our professor said that the smokers joke around with their crni humor (black humour) that when they go to buy cigarettes they say give me the package with the cancer, you know the packaging with the warnings & photograph’s to deter you. Smoking is a way to relieve stress, it is part of socializing, it is a norm for people, it is still part of the culture, although the many adults that smoked in the past even in my family and a lot of my friends no longer do so; it has to be that the culture has shifted somehow. I think most of the numbers lie with the younger generation and it is growing according to Croatian news. I am not surprised when I think of how many people smoked outside the university doors, the whole inside entrance smelled like cigarettes. Our classroom was above that entrance and with open windows you don’t have to guess because you know that smell was floating around. My brother’s wife and mother in law were in Croatia this year, they loved Croatia but said, there were people smoking beside us in the cafe. Of course they were surprised coming from Canada because for years we have not dealt with this on the patio of a business or even inside a business; but some places still allow that in Zagreb. In hotels, be sure to ask for the non smoking rooms or section because some hotels still allow smoking. I notice sometimes if there is no wind and it is warm, the smell of cigarettes at the cafe’s can just hang in the air which leads to my last item.

Broj 3. Air quality. You can say overall, most places in Canada the air quality is excellent. In Croatia, depending on where you are, there is great air quality too, but in Zagreb, a place let me remind you I love; the traffic leaves that haze, that haze you know is no good. There are many days it looks great, but some days you see it and you just say to yourself, oh God, I am breathing that in. Zagreb is one of the greener cities in Europe, also it is not one of the heaviest polluting cities in Europe either, but my long bike rides left me with a cough for a short while that I cannot help feel was connected to that traffic when I road so frequently to class. Once I stopped classes and was pedalling less into the city, the cough went away over a period of 2 weeks. They are expanding bike routes in Zagreb and use greener modes, but it costs an arm and a leg if you have the privilege of buying an electric automobile. Maybe one day Mate Rimac will make electric cars within the budget of the average consumer, or maybe he already has. If you have not heard of Rimac automobiles, now you have. Mate Rimac is an amazing story, a legend in Croatia, an engineer, only 36 and he has contributed something great to the auto industry. His electric vehicles are incredible works of art. Anyways, if you love cars and you have not heard of Rimac, nema na ćemu, you are welcome. Eto (there). This is my small list.

May your fall days ahead be kind in company and life; and even though it is great to live for the moment, live for the moments ahead too. That is hope. For me, I am hardly waiting to hear about the results for the FIFA WORLD CUP draw. I want to be with all those Croatian fans when Croatia comes to North America for this tournament. To be part of this love for a team with other Croatians united, to watch athletes who had a dream and achieved it, to watch their skill, I know it will be joyful and unforgettable, you can always count on Croatian people to guarantee that. Sto posto, 100%. Be well everyone.

Marijana

P.S. I was asked on a couple of occasions if that was me sitting on top of that silver ball in a bikini & swim cap. Yes I swim, however what I cannot do is sit on my feet like that; someone would need to put an air mattress on the ground behind me & push me backwards to get me out of that pose. Jao. That was a wax figure in Rome. It looks real right? Even I confuse myself still and think, was that really a wax figure?

October 23rd,2025

1000 kobasica

Dobrodošla jesen (welcome fall). Fall, such a pretty season; picturesque, romantic, like a fairytale, but also to be sensible, be prepared for the weather. ‘Nemoj ići van bez jakne’ (Don’t go outside without a jacket), our parents would say. You have the cool nights, but gentle warm days on one hand; then further along are the cool days and cool nights, the first morning frost or glittering asphalt that looks pretty in the morning under street lamps, but don’t all fairytales come with an important message too, walk and do not ride a bicycle in this case. Do you ever pay attention to how the colours are so bright and fresh like the fall air? I noticed one tree last week with leaves of a 50/50 blend, a deep green changing to a bold red, the perfect ombre of Christmas colours, only changing from one bright light to a new bright. The distinction of the very blue sky, the green flora, and the rest of the fall colours, it is really special. This is a season where if you have the gift of photographing that right moment, you can live in that photograph forever. I used to think it would be so great to live on a Pacific tropical island, and I bet it would be nice, but when I really thought about it, I would miss the seasons. I didn’t get a chance to see the leaves fall in Hrvatsko Zagorje this fall season, but I did arrive in the middle of winter this year, and remember that there were no leaves, that you could see through the forest, and so now I imagine this change happening little by little. One day I will spend this season in Croatia & enjoy it before my eyes, hopefully for multiple seasons. I think region to region, country to country, where 4 seasons exist, the autumn story is nature’s Christmas season. So many gifts out of every corner of my eye. “Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile” -William Cullen Bryan.

Yes I like fall fashion, and falling prices for that fashion, but what could be more better than heating up my apartment with cooking and baking especially on my days off. I mean, punjena paprika (stuffed peppers), sarma (cabbage rolls), palačinka sa sirom (crepes filled with ricotta or cottage cheese), gulaš, lasagna, I mean there is so much to explore, so much to make. I think how my mom or relatives worked so hard in the kitchen. We have a Croatian family friend who has lived in Canada for many years. She said one day how people like to do potlucks here in Canada and her thought was, ‘I don’t believe in these potlucks, I will do it myself.’ That is what many Croatian women do, cook so much, and more than a few dishes and desserts; they have pride & passion in what they do. My mom, she could cook so much in half the time I could. These women are a hard act to follow, very special and they just know what to do without following a recipe. I always prefer to cook homemade meals, but to cook for others who have already done for so many years ahead of me, well I get intimidated because there is just no comparison between me and them. They are about 1000 kobasice (sausages) ahead of me, but I still quietly aspire to having at least half of my mom’s skill. And what I remember from my childhood where we celebrated so many special occasions with other Slavic people was the endless supply of food. There is a t-shirt I saw that describes the typical Croatian lunch in steps where it starts off with a shot of rakija (fruit brandy), next is goveđa juha (beef soup) + punjena paprika + pire od krumpira (mashed potatoes) + patka (duck) + salata od kupusa (cabbage salad) + different varieties of cake + torte ……..a long pause for coffee, then it is dinnertime! Sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? No, it happened. When there was company, it was a whole day event.

The kids had as much fun as the adults and you were always encouraged to eat something. On the table you would find beautiful home cooked meals, also plates or trays of cured meats, cheeses, olives, beets, pickles, itd…. I remember going to the delicatessen with my mom as a child, owned by a German immigrant family in our home town. I swear, slavic people must of been one of the top contributing customers. Here we go, 500 grams mortadella please (maybe it was more), 500 grams of Hungarian sausage, 500 grams of lyoner sausage, beer sausage, gouda cheese, havarti cheese, prosciutto….. My father also went hunting and fishing so some cured/smoked fish/meats from salmon or moose ended up on those trays. Sometimes someone may have brought over kulen they had made (a homemade sausage made of pork). My brother and I would go to school, open our lunches, my mom would make us all kinds of sandwiches, our favourite was mortadella, and she would layer so much mortadella that when you took a bite, you saw your teeth marks indented in the layers of mortadella. I think there was more mortadella than bread, but this is part of her love to us, keeping us growing, fed and strong. Back to the gatherings, they were so much fun. Our parents and even with our mom now to this day did not like for there to be ‘junk food’ in the house, however when company came, the chips and cheezies were on the table, for guests of course, along with C plus, rootbeer, gingerale, all the soda’s. I think once the soda’s entered our bloodstream, collectively we were like spark plugs that could start a car. All that spontaneous energy coming out of us. All these Croatian kids in one room before and after the meals, our parents in another, we had 100 + + + + energy, and eventually our rambunctious ways were heard or something happened, our parents would come fast ready to give someone a batina (spanking). But those days were so fun and live in my heart forever.

I still think about all the things our parents did outside their regular jobs, like building their own homes, raising a family away from family abroad. They were very self sufficient, I mean most people hire someone, but they truly did so much on their own or maybe with the help of other slavic friends because everyone was starting from scratch in this new country of Canada, trying their best to get by and sustain themselves. The wine making, canning salmon, pickling, pekmez od šljive (prune jam), curing meats, hunting, mushroom picking, fishing, dropping crab traps, making sauerkraut; these are some of the things, but they did so much. Wait, they made sausages and would turn that sausage maker arm filling up those cases, it was so neatly done and both my mom and dad worked together to do all this. I remember going down to the basement and the freezer was full, all these packages of food, labelled on that brown paper with a black felt marker telling you exactly what was inside; everything was neatly there. We enjoyed our meals, we loved eating, food was to be celebrated, we did not leave much on our plates. You know as kids, we had responsibilities and if I think now, it was so small in comparison to what our parents were holding up. We had to bring in the firewood, cut the grass, make sure certain things were basically done inside and out, and of course there were times I thought, man; but guess what, they trained us for life, something more important and grounding than a few minutes of complaining why.

Now returning to Italy again. Maybe talking about food makes me think of Italy because I love Italian cuisine as well. A little walk down memory lane, not about food, a lighthearted story. When I lived in Trieste, they had a 50th anniversary reunion of The Alpini. The Alpini were part of the Italian Army that fought during World War I and World War 2. As you guess with the name, it’s connected with the Alps which is where they fought, in the mountains. The Alps are shared between Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Slovenia & France. These soldiers fought on foot, their motto is “Di Qui Non Si Passa!” (From here, no one passes!), they have the nickname Le Penne Nere (The Black Feathers), they are the oldest mountain infantry in the world, and one member is referred as an Alpino. Now, this 50th anniversary gathering was huge. Trieste has a population of 250,000 people, at least back then it did and every hotel or space was full. These men brought their tents, pitched them wherever there might be a space in the city and it was time to celebrate. Let the good times roll. Did they have a little vino? Maybe one or two or three glasses, of course they did! The Alpini were happy & everyone was bella to them. I would open my window to the sound of the cafe below to already hear belllaaaa! Older women doing their morning shopping walking by with their bags would hear bellaaaa, middle aged, young, we all were bella that weekend. The city was alive and full of people to celebrate them. One morning I was swimming at the pool and I could see some men come in to the aquatic center and sit on the bleachers, then next I see them squeeze through the railings to come down to the pool deck and they started throwing buoyancy rings to one of the female swimmers. It was of course drunk Alpini men trying to capture the heart of this swimmer and save her of course….. I, swimming, was laughing underwater, bubbles of laughter coming out of me and also thinking to myself, well at least it is not me they have their attention on. Then I finish my swim to pop my head out of the water and there at the end of my lane, on the deck right in front of me was an Alpino sitting like a reclining Roman God and he blew me a kiss. Very cinematic. Alpino had that pose locked in, I guess the attention had to be shared for each swimmer, I mean I think she and I were the only ones in the pool at that moment. I am sure there were lifeguards there but that did not stop them one bit, it was just as amusing for them.

These men celebrated the whole weekend in every artery of the city, happy to be together, joined at the hip or actually the belt. Two young Alpini men tied themselves together with their belts so they would not lose each other in the sea of other Alpini men and one of the funniest things I saw was one Alpino used the portable washrooms and while he was in there, the men turned the whole unit around so that the door was facing tight against the building. Mamma mia. However at the end of the weekend was the parade to celebrate them down the main street of Trieste, and of course each brigade marched with their jeans, plaid shirts, hat with feather in it, their designated apparel. The Alpini were looking a little seasick and trying to walk the straight line of the parade route. Happy turned to hell & maybe remorse for a few hours of their day, especially if I remember okay, it was a warm day!

To my dream of seeing the Croatian National team play at the FIFA World Cup here in North America, well, ja nisam imala sreću, niti moj brat (I did not have luck, nor did my brother), but there is another round coming up so if the first try didn’t work, let’s try again. Take special care everyone and if there is something you are wishing for, I hope that a little luck finds its way to your home and heart.

Marijana

November 17, 2025

Poštovanje svima & welcome to mid November. Not too long ago, I put on a t-shirt that I had not worn since returning from Croatia, and it smelled like home; it was last washed in Croatia and hung on the clothes line there. That smell brought me back all at once. When you can live in a moment by just a smell, it is like you never left. I keep thinking about my classmates, in school, another semester, another challenge, wishing I was there with them, building their lives in Croatia, many first generation Croatians from around the world, returning to a country that gave so much to them, either through their family traditions, stories & celebrations; or from their childhood trips abroad to visit family. I may not be there at the moment but I could be 16 seasons or less from throwing that ‘I am here for good fešta…. ale, ale, ale, ale, ale.’ Let the dream and the work towards that dream continue.

I have really nice family and friends who share the latest, send me videos of what is happening in the village, asking me when I am returning, making me feel like I mattered in that world; it is a very special feeling. But being back in Canada, back to work, that bumpy transition from high to low, you see the goodness in people. As time goes by, I really understand the value and worth of the people that show graciousness in all poles of life, north and south, east and west, like a compass rose, in every direction. You know those stories about people who might be a little rough around the edges, or that person who is a bit gruff, but the overall sentiment is that their heart is like gold. Well there is an expression in Croatia, ‘biti dobar kao kruh’ which translates to being good as gold; the literal translation is actually to be good as bread. I bring this up because I appreciate those loving people who have the ability to see the good in people. Those kind of people make the flowers bloom.

I missed a volunteer appreciation celebration with the church in Croatia recently. I was told of this during the summer by one of the physicians, that it happens each year & that it is too bad I could not be there; that it is really something, an incredible experience. I was sent a slide show as a thank you that I am trying to find a means to open, but I read by other volunteers that it was an amazing day and like a film. Like a film, does that mean James Dean’s best Hollywood photo was there? A little before I returned to Canada, I did see him talking with other friends on the church premises with half outfit like 1950’s rebel fashion with jeans on the bottom, and then the dress shirt with the Roman collar. I think by the time he ended his term in the village, I was able to get full sentences out, like I developed from a toddler to a Grade 1 students sentence structure. Some people have all the communication savvy in the world, like actors and actresses for one, how they can be so sharp on the spot amazes me. Anyways, back to James Deans best Hollywood photo. I remember having this conversation with a friend, the lead volunteer coordinator and physician and asked what it might be like for him, all these women paying so much attention to him, but she said, he just lets it roll right off his back. He is a professional. It is true, he was, however I am still remembering the day I saw him first walk into the priests dining room, holy halos and smoke all around. I mean, maybe that is it, he has this peaceful, charismatic and good presence that makes him stand out even more. The holy one. Anyways, this is just a moment to reminisce. But guess what, in the time I wrote this, you know what happened? My neighbour in Croatia sent me a link to recent news and I mean really, James Deans best Hollywood photo is making national news. He has been recognized of course in another community where he now does his residency let’s say. Extra, extra, read all about it…….

‘the new deacon has arrived in (city) & we are thankful that ours is the most handsome’,

‘announcement about the new deacon has attracted a lot of attention and reaction from the locals’

‘one women commented that how now she would go to church just because of (name)’

My favourite, ‘ima kosu kao iz reklame za Head & Shoulders’, this means, ‘he has hair like the commercial for Head & Shoulders.’

Another parishnor said he was ‘the most handsome deacon and his soul is beautiful,’

‘Many have wished (name) good luck in his work and for sure the church will now be full.’

My God, poor man. This is why I leave his name out of the website. I think he will get enough attention in Croatia, no need to share too much. Remember I said I can’t share his name but it does rhyme with TO-MAH-TO, yup, it still rhymes with TO-MAH-TO. I even heard from a friend in Zagreb that they say (who is they, I don’t know) he is the most handsome in all of Europe. Now if you ask me I would say the world because of course I am partial to my own heritage. But the flip side to all this is the comments of others being appalled of how they could speak like this about a priest or encouraging him to stay strong and do well in his journey to priesthood.

‘(Name), hold on, the female charms will be your hardest test, do not give in, be strong willed, think of Christ, and serve only Christ, everything else is just a demonic distraction, hallelujah!’

Another person who reacted to women saying they would now attend church more added, ‘so what do you exactly believe in?’ Good question right? For me, my observation is that this man was really down to earth, kind, focused & I truly wish him well in his endeavours. He showed kindness to everyone and is doing important work, let him be happy, healthy and feel purposeful in his work. Vlast tebi TO-MAH-TO! (Power to you).

On the first of November was the holiday dan svih Svetih (all Saints day) where it is a custom to go to the cemetery and honour those loved ones that have passed away. Paying your respects is something people do quite frequently in Croatia on any given day of the week without it even being a holiday. In our village, people go everyday, a few times a week, or weekly to clean the headstones and the gravestones of their families or loved ones. Locals take a bottle of water with maybe a touch of dish soap that is added, a small broom, small dust pan and a couple of rags. The cemetery has water taps for the locals so when you run out of water you can top up for more cleaning. We sweep off the branches, dust, pollen, leaves and such around the family grave, dampen the clothes, wipe, refresh the batteries if needed on the battery operated candles, put maybe some new candles, bring flowers, itd… I have not been in Croatia on the actual all Saints day, which hits me in the gut a little because I want to be there to pay respect to my father, grandparents, great grandparents, etc…, but our relatives go for us. I have seen pictures and you can see the graves surrounding and just how adorned they are with flowers and candles. It is spectacular, a display of colours for days. In Europe I feel that the cemetery is a place of community. I heard a lady weeping close to me on one visit, she lost her husband, his grave close to our families grave, they had been married for many years, I offered her my condolences, we spoke about life, she appreciated that moment and so did I, then moved onwards. Yes a cemetery is a place where your family rests in peace, but it is also a place of rest, healing and memories to think on for the ones they left behind. It is grounding. For me, it never gets old to be there, to listen to the church bells, the birds, look at the forest and mountains around, maybe hear live music off in the distance, light that candle, touch the grave stone, say a few things under my breath that connect me to my origin. Though my dad is not with me, for me in my heart, I am glad he is not alone and is with his mom, father, grandmother and grandfather. Whatever the mystery of the universe is, I like to feel that he is not alone.

The acknowledgement of life and honouring those before us is so well recognized in Croatia. There is a legendary musician who passed away 7 years ago, his name was Oliver Dragojević. His beautiful, timeless music filled with so much heart and soul that all generations love is full of life, his legacy. It was a significant loss to the country of Croatia when he passed away. A national day of mourning exists for Oliver, and each year there is a tribute concert, his family present & other Croatian musicians sing his songs, some who knew him personally or sang a duet with him. Huge crowds of people make their way to Vela Luka on the Island of Korčula where he grew up as a child. I read that he used to play his music on the ferry between the Island of Korčula and Split, entertaining others, so I can only imagine how very special it is to take that ferry over for the concert, maybe magical because the spirit is for the love of him. The concert is called ‘Trag u Beskraju’ which means the trail to no end, also the name of one of his songs. He left a legacy and hope one day to see this concert with the thousands of others watching from the boats in the marina, watching from the promenade, or floating along in a small row boat. His music truly lives on forever.

Tomorrow will be Remembrance Day in Croatia. This is a large holiday. This is a heavy day where the city of Vukovar had fallen during the war of Yugoslavia in 1991. I have not been to Vukovar, however my father told me that after the war some years later that he and my mom went and he could not believe the destruction. This day will be attended and honoured by many, many Croatians. This war changed Croatia and the Balkans forever. Recently it has been made mandatory again to serve in the army. My father did this years ago during the time of Yugoslavia. Duty to serve is for a couple of months which is shorter in duration than when my father was alive. It is also paid and must be done once a young male reaches the age of 19, women can serve but this is optional. When you fulfil this, I learned that you are given preference when applying for jobs in the country. Now something that is interesting to me is the many 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th generation Croatian descendants from around the world, I wonder if they will be called to duty, I think they may if they have Croatian citizenship. Many have recently obtained citizenship who are descendants, I wonder if they considered this a possibility, would they be willing to serve or fight for Croatia if they were truly faced with this? Let’s hope it never comes to this. I hope history never repeats itself. Never.

Fall has lived up to being fall and even if the days are short, there is something nice to see out my window from a warm home. The leaves that are still holding on, the ones that have fallen and filled the side of the streets, the morning lights and the traffic lights that reflect off the wet asphalt during the dark mornings, the beautiful fresh air which feels so nice to breathe in, the quiet mornings when I am going to work while others are sleeping in, the leaves that dance around each other after a gust of wind, the fog that settles in the space between the trees when you look out in the distance, and on and on and on. And this is a time I have sat with myself, thinking about the next steps of my life, and I am really lucky to do this. This is when the work is being done, in these quiet moments.

Od Srca,

Marijana

P.S. You know, learning another language is never easy and it could take years to get it to an exact T, but add changing technology with all the new vocabulary that comes with that, that is another challenge in itself. My mom, calls wifi, i 5. I tell her that the I5 is a highway in the USA. I pronounce for her wifi, she responds, why five. I say no, fi, is like the opposite of hi, like hi, how are you. Or think of the expression, fee, fi, fo, fum. Sječaš li se bajka Jack and the Beanstalk? Do you remember this fairytale mom? No. In Croatia there are different fairytales. In the end the opposite of hi was the best, and we spent a few seconds pronouncing wifi. Me, WIFI, mom WIIIIFIIIII. It is funny, but believe me the language of technology is not easy and overwhelming. I recently saw this video with Italian American comedian Sebastian Maniscalco, where he explains trying to teach his father how to use the internet, my favourite thing he said was that his dad used the mouse as a foot pedal. There is never an end to our learning, and hvala bogu za to. Thank God for that.

EXTRA EXTRA!

Copywrite Marian Stella 2025.